If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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