she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
handjob tips. give me some.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
