Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
