He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
