He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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