guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
