is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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