I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize