I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
