Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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