Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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