You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
