the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Houston, we have a blender
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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