it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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