Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
