you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
