you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
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it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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