You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
