Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm passing your future prison.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
