i can't believe i had my finger in that
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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