im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
sarcasm needs its own font
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize