the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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