you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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