Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
