Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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