That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize