pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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