my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize