The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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