Moan for me like Helen Keller
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
