She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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