that's an acceptable place to lick
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
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