I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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