I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
