East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
