u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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