First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
