There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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