He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
