I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize