using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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