party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
