I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
