D3 body, D1 cock
Yo dont text me then not text me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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