Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
