Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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