called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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