i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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