guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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