i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
BRING THE BAGELS
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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