You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
