listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
