He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
