u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
