Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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