Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
