somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
