The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
