Non-Jews are for practice
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
