I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
