You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
