brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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