Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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