Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize