I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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