I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
