my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
