we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
