Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
