So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
