i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
