He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
