Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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