Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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