seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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