Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
