I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
