The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
