I'm going to rape someone's good day.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
