Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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