Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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