I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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