Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
we should paint friendship bongs
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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