$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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