Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We need to get me chipped asap
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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