I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
