I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
