I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
