College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
