K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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