and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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