You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you would pick up someone in the library
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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