Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
