You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
