were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
