Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
