apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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