There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
