overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize