Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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